Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
