never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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