the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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