I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
