I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
