We won't sleep together?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize