Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
