With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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