only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
