Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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