he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
