some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
