If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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