I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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