Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
