I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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