worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
