She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
