It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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