too bad you live with your parents still
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
