I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
