her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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