Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
