I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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