I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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