just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize