omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
