I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
