why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
