that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
