Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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