Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
