dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
