All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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