i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
