how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
