We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
