I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
