Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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