so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
