Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize