ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
