Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
