You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
