Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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