Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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