I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
