Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
