do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
