i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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