Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
