well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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