Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
