girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
