If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
