Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
