I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
