ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
