So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
