My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
