Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Holy shit dude........stairs
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
